Who Am I?

Why is it that our own words come back to haunt us? Remember a few posts back when I talked about being OK with life not ending up nicely packaged and tied up with a perfect bow?

Situation #1: Benj came home this week and asked if he could give his contact info for a job query that could require relocation…to Colorado. Of course, all I thought of was “Uh…degrees? Jobs? Remember the nice bow tying up our life in Texas next May 15th when we graduate the same day?” But I didn’t say any of those things, and said “Let me get back to you after I run this over.”

So I went for a run and the words from my blog came to me and I thought “If you really say that you are holding this life loosely, that God can take you wherever and whenever, then you should be willing to give up…whatever…if it’s the right thing.” So I came home and said “I’m up for whatever.”

Situation #2: Finances. Making it on one salary and 2 grad tuitions is not easy. God has been so faithful to us. But we’re at a point where we had to start talking real sacrifice last night, including a little account known as “Our House.” At different points in the conversation each of us said “We are not giving up this house down payment for tuition.” But it finally came down to “Why are we holding on to this so tightly? What if God never wants us to have a house? What if he calls us overseas and we will never own a house?”

I’ll be honest, it hurts. I don’t like giving up my comforts and my cushions. But it’s a good hurt. I know that God honors obedience. Its just that I like the obeying so much better when its easier. The song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns has been going through my head the past two days. I think it’s a good picture of where I’m at right now.

Here’s the chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am…
I am Yours…I am Yours