And It Must Be Said

Known

2007-02-26T15:49:00.000-08:00

“Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.”
-Joseph Parry

With Benj out in California for the weekend I took advantage of the opportunity to visit my sister (Birmingham) and a college girlfriend (Atlanta). As I sat in DFW, silently rejoicing over my lot (no work for me!) I called my friend Mel and said, “Hey there! Have a GREAT staff meeting without me!” and after cursing my name for awhile she finally said, “Isn’t it great to be alone and anonymous?” She understood the joy I was experiencing of just being. Alone. No one to supervise, listen to, comfort, respond to, answer, report to. Selfish? Possibly. Heavenly? Definitely.

I flew to Birmingham and rented a car, (with a free upgrade, no less, just for being cute. Granted, it was an old-man PT Cruiser, but still) drove to the outskirts of Atlanta and met up with my friend Alissa, a suitemate at Pepperdine and life-long friend. I met 18 month old Brennan – a spitting image of Alissa and I freaked for a moment.

Me: “He’s like an alien!”
She: Who?!
Me: “Your son! He’s like…this weird creature that looks just like you…but isn’t you!!”

I will never get over that my friends have kids that look like them – it still creeps me out. Thankfully, Brennan is a lovey and funny little boy and we made fast friends.

Alissa and I had dinner out, just the two of us, and as we exchanged stories and got caught up I found myself telling her a story about a conversation that Benji and I had recently that wouldn’t exactly win me any points for “wife of the year” but definitely shows my husband’s pure-gold heart. She teared up.

She said, “He really knows you.”
And I said, “Thankfully, yes.”

Then she said, “You know, that story isn’t that surprising to me. Ever since I’ve known you you’ve had that…independent streak. That little part of your personality that hates to be confined or limited, so I’m not surprised that marriage in and of itself doesn’t rub you the wrong way sometimes.”

So we talked about that for a little bit, and as we drove home from dinner I felt a little relieved and thankful that Alissa had reminded me that some of the things I struggle with (read: rebellion against any that constrains) are old friends of mine, still testing me year after year. And it doesn’t make it good or bad, right or wrong, it just IS. And it is especially nice when the people who love you just understand the IS part. So I am thankful.

A Touch of Irony

2007-02-13T16:52:00.000-08:00

How’s this for a touch of irony?

My husband sleep walks. Old news. We all know this, right?

Well, recently he accused ME of sleepwalking.

The thing is, I know for a fact that he was sleepwalking at the exact moment he is trying to say I was sleepwalking. He was talking and walking around, like he usually does when he’s stressed out and has too much to do (check out his blog for that whole saga). And I said, “Babe, come back to bed” – like I ALWAYS do when he sleepwalks. I said this like I ALWAYS do, really gently, because he freaks out if he gets woken up in the middle of an episode. He came back to bed and went back to sleep – clueless – like he ALWAYS is.

So the next morning we get up and he says, “You were sleepwalking last night!”

What?

He proceeded to explain that I was up and talking and he had to tell me to go back to sleep.

I cracked up. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I said. “YOU were sleepwalking!”

Round and round we went, but no amount of logic on my part would convince him that I was not, in fact, sleepwalking. It still won’t. He is convinced that I was the one sleepwalking.

Now really, given our track records – who do you believe in this scenario?

Why I Love Church

2007-01-24T16:03:00.000-08:00

When I was in college I attended a church that I dearly loved. Sunday mornings I leaped out of bed to go with my roommates because we really loved going just that much. When I graduated and got married we attended a new church that I dreaded going to. I came up with every excuse I could think of to explain why I couldn’t go: I was sick, I was too tired, I’d go late, leave early, go to youth group only. I hated it. It was a bad combination – part me, part the church. We weren’t friends. Of course its 100 times worse when your husband is a pastor there. Ugh. How awkward.

So I was floored when I came across “Church: How I go without getting angry,” a chapter title in Don Miller’s Blue Like Jazz. I couldn’t believe he actually wrote it, but I was encouraged. I’d been thinking it for years.

But this past Sunday I wanted to write a chapter called “Why I love going to church” because it was quietly possibly the best service I have ever been to.

Our pastor was broken this summer over depression. Sunday it showed. He talked about ripping pages out of his Bible and using them to smoke weed in his dorm room. He talked about melting with love when his granddaughter says “pops” and that God melts over us just like that.
And then some collegian young woman sang Chris Rice’s “Untitled Hymn” before we took communion. This was no schmaltzy “special” music with a half-tone-deaf choir member singing against a Sandi Patti instrumental accompaniment. This was a simple, beautiful song with a piano quietly padding chords and a sweet, clear, breathy voice telling us to “Fly to Jesus.” I wept.

Don’t you love when church is what it is supposed to be?

Today I am thanking God for church, Sandra McCracken songs, egg salad and 11 really awesome college students.

Look Back, Look Ahead

2006-12-31T12:07:00.000-08:00

My friend Katie sent these questions to me last year and I am actually using them now to celebrate the end of a year and the start of a fresh, new year! Enjoy, and Happy New Year!

1. What were the memorable events of this year that captured your attention? In your home and family? In your vocation? In your community?

2. Who were the significant people in your life?

3. What sources instructed or challenged your heart and mind?

4. Did you have recurring questions you struggled with during the year? What were they? Any answers? What questions are you still facing in this new year?

5. In what areas of your life did you grow? Were these areas related to your joy or your pain?

6. What are your regrets? How would you do things differently? What did you learn?

7. What discipline did you use most this year? The least?

8. What service did you give to others which was the most meaningful? Received from others?

9. What image comes to mind for your relationship with God at this point in your life?

10. What do you feel is the message of the year? What do you think God might be saying to you?

11. Are you responding with resistance? With trust? With fear?

12. Do you have a verse, an image, a word, or a poem to guide you into the new year?

13. What is it you wish? How would you answer Jesus’ question to you? “What are you looking for?” (John 1:38) and also “What do you want me to do for you?” (Luke 18:41)

2006 Books

2006-12-31T11:58:00.000-08:00

Hello Blog World!

Forgive the lack of posts. My only explanation is that I simply didn't feel like blogging. Can we still be friends?

I think I'm back. I've got one other post to wrap up 2006, but for now, here's my reading list for 2006. I finished book #50 at 12:37 pm today. My favorites for the year, in no particular order: #7, #11, #13, #14, #17, #36, #44, #45, and #49. What did YOU love in 2006?

1. 1/06 - The Testament by John Grisham
2. 1/06 - Memories of My Melancholy Whores by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
3. 1/06 - It Takes a Village by Hillary Rodam Clinton
4. 2/06 - The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
5. 2/06 – Queen of the Underworld by Gail Godwin
6. 3/06 – Rejoice by Karen Kingsbury
7. 3/06 - Eats, Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss
8. 3/06 – The Year of Pleasures by Elizabeth Berg
9. 3/06 – Ordinary Life by Elizabeth Berg
10. 4/06 – Founding Sisters and the Nineteenth Amendment by Eleanor Clift
11. 4/06 – Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
12. 5/06 – The Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella
13. 5/06 – The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini
14. 5/06 – Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
15. 5/06 – Yas Yas in Bloom by Rebecca Wells
16. 6/06 – Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory by Randall Balmer
17. 6/06 – Real Sex: Thoughts on Chastity by Lauren Winner
18. 6/06 – Open House by Elizabeth Berg
19. 6/06 – Marley and Me by David Grogan
20. 6/06 – Crunchy Cons by Ron Dreher
21. 6/06 – Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by JK Rowling
22. 7/06 – Smashed by Koren Zailckas
23.7/06 – Ghost Soldiers by Hampton Sides
24. 7/06 – Lethal Harvest by William Cutrer and Sandra Glahn
25. 8/06 – Operating Instructions: A Diary of My Son’s First Year by Anne Lamott
26. 8/06 – A Million Little Pieces by James Frey
27. 8/06 – Orthodoxy by GK Chesterton
28. 8/06 – Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
29. 8/06 - The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger
30. 9/06 – The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris
31. 9/06 - Primal Leadership by Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee
32. 10/06 – What We Keep by Elizabeth Berg
34. 10/06 – The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing by Melissa Bank
35. 10/06 – Five Star Living on a Two Star Budget by Margaret Feinberg and Natalie Nichols Gillespie
36. 10/06 – Bad Leadership by Barbara Kellerman
37. 10/06 – Simplify You Work Life by Elaine St. James
38. 11/06 – Of Love and Other Demons by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
39. 11/06 – Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
40. 11/06 – Designing Organizations by Jay R. Galbraith
41. 11/06 – Confessions From An Honest Wife by Sarah Zacharias Davis
42. 11/06 – Ask The Dust by John Fante
43. 11/06 – Collaborative Entrepreneurship by Raymond Miles
44. 11/06 – Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
45. 12/06 – When Life and Beliefs Collide by Carolyn Custis James
46. 12/06 – At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon
47. 12/06 – A Light in the Window by Jan Karon
48. 12/06 - Sabbath Keeping by Lynne Baab
49. 12/06 – Are Women Human By Dorothy Sayers
50. 12/06 – Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains

An Update

2006-09-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

Here are some highlights from the past few weeks:

The students are back! Last week I held an Open House where over 100 residents came to check out my digs and snack on homemade oreos and milk. It is quite possibly the best thing I’ve done since I became a Hall Director, if I do say so myself.

Went to the Central Dallas Ministries Urban Engagement book group last Thursday, which meets at a church on SMU’s campus and met some very interesting people. I chatted with a prof from Perkins, the seminary at SMU. He laughed out loud over the irony that I was at the book group and my husband was sitting in a classroom at DTS. Mostly he was laughing because someone had just been bashing “Dispensational Pre-Millenials” and thought it was funny that I was married to one. He asked how Benj hooked up with a liberal like me. I explained that yes, even they, can care about the poor.

Had an Organizational Change class all day on Saturday, at the Dallas campus. It was the friendliest class I’ve had yet at UNT! Afterwards we spent the evening with our friends Tim and Courtney and their dog, Bentley, who pees all the time. Good friends, good food, good weather, good hot tub, good times throwing eggs at 14 year old boys, good conversations about passions and disappointments. Yes, all of that really did happen.

Went to church on Sunday. It was so good it made me want to curse. I am thankful.

Looking forward to:

Maya Angelou speaking on campus on Thursday night – way exciting.

Homework every spare minute of the day, so that…

We leave Friday morning at 5 am for DFW where we will fly to St Louis for a blissful 4 day homework-free vacation. The Zoo, Natural History Museum, and Busch Stadium are all calling our name. We’re packing light and taking public transportation everywhere. Can’t wait!

Derek Webb in concert on Monday the 25th, somewhere around here.

A Prayer for Readers

2006-08-21T18:52:00.000-07:00

I've been using John Baillie's A Diary of Private Prayer (1936) as part of my Bible Study this summer, and this afternoon the prayer I read included a little paragraph on reading. His prayer life is beautiful and inspiring. I love the way he uses language. He makes the simplest concepts seem elegant and honorable, and I suppose the most elegant and honorable concepts are indeed simple.

So for your readers out there, here's a prayer for, well, praying:

"Leave me not, O gracious Presence, in such hours as I may today devote to the reading of books or of newspapers. Guide my mind to choose the right books and, having chosen them, to read them in the right way. When I read for profit, grant that all I read may lead me nearer to Thyself. When I read for recreation, grant that what I read may not lead me away from Thee. Let all my reading so refresh my mind that I may the more eagerly seek after whatsoever things are pure and fair and true."

What I love about John Baillie's prayer life is that he invites God into every aspect of his life. He is detailed, he is gentle, he is honest. I don't know his theology completely, but I know he loves the Trinity. The book includes 31 morning and evening prayers, and a Sunday morning and evening prayer. He's Episcopalian and Scottish and died in 1960.

What is Your Savior Lacking?

2006-07-31T12:12:00.000-07:00

Benj and I started a Bible Study together this week, studying some classic sermons and the texts that inspired them. This week we read a portion of "The Excellency of Christ," preached by Jonathan Edwards in 1746. The accompanying text was Colossians 1:15-23.

We found ourselves in awe of, and gleefully stumbling over and discussing, the same passage:

"What is there that you can desire should be in a Savior, that is not in Christ? Or, wherein should you desire a Savior should be otherwise than Christ is? What excellency is there wanting? What is there that is great or good? What is there that is venerable or winning? What is there that is adorable or endearing? Or, what can you think of, that would be encouragining, that is not to be found in the person of Christ?"

and later, "What is there wanting, or what would you add if you could, to make him more fit to be your Savior?"

I've been thinking about it ever since. Everything I need my Savior to be - Christ is or has been. Holy? Check. Human? Check. Loving? Check. Near to God? Check.

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check.

What a joyful comfort to my soul that my Savior is so incredibly and completely everything I need.

All About Books

2006-07-31T12:08:00.000-07:00

Sandi Glahn, Benji’s “writin’ mama” and ultra-cool DTS prof tagged me on her blog about books. Here’s my response:

1. One book that changed your life: Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster. I read it my sophomore year of college after taking what I call my “hiatus from God” – my freshman year. I freakin’ love that Quaker.

2. One book that you’ve read more than once: September by Rosamunde Pilcher.

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. I mean, if something is going to tell you “get over it” that you’re on a desert island, this is the book.

4. One book that made you laugh: Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris.

5. One book that made you cry: Marley and Me by John Grogan. I bawled like a baby when Marley died.

6. One book that you wish had been written: Using PMS to work FOR you, not AGAINST you. I mean, really.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: God is a Conservative. Ok, in its defense, I’ve actually not read it and hear that it is fairly objective, but still…I HATE that title!

8. One book you’re currently reading: Two, actually: Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott and A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky. I’ve had it for two years now and shrink away from it each time I’m done with a book because it looks so daunting.

10. Now tag five people: I’m going to make it 3, also; Benj, Amber and Nicole!

Summer Reading

2006-06-22T16:22:00.000-07:00

I’m in a reading group this summer, experiencing a classic: GK Chesterton’s Orthodoxy. While there are moments I read and think “What IS this guy saying?” for the most part I have thoroughly enjoyed it. This past week I read my favorite part of the book thus far, a little thought or two about courage:

“It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die.”

And later in the paragraph:

“A soldier surrounded by enemies, if he is to cut his way out, needs to combine a strong desire for living with a strange carelessness about dying. He must not merely cling to life, for then he will be a coward, and will not escape. He must not merely wait for death, for then he will be a suicide, and will not escape. He must seek his life in a spirit of furious indifference to it; he must desire life like water and yet drink death like wine.”

The big dude can write!

In other (lighter) reading news, I cried my eyes out last night finishing Marley and Me by John Grogan. If you’ve ever owned a lab this is a must read for you. The irony of crying my eyes out was that as I sat propped up, weeping, Benj (previously asleep) suddenly and literally jumped off the side of the bed, whirled around and yelled “I don’t know why I just did that!” and promptly went back to sleep. Ahh, the sleepwalking fairy strikes again.

Reading late. Crying. Sleepwalking. Laughing. This is my life.

Meet the Kiddos...

2006-06-08T19:56:00.000-07:00

We spent lots of time with the ankle-biters in CA. Here are some of our favorite little people...

Uncle Benji with our "nephers" - Seth Michael Fletcher...wouldn't you know, they're watching baseball?

A walk with Sydni Mae Sundstrom. Her favorite trick is throwing her juice on the ground as the wagon rolls along...her Mom is my best friend and suitemate from College...

Greta with Jacob Mateo Walker, 2.5 years (this is the guy who screamed for Chicken and Rice at 4:00 in the morning)...he wanted me to ride in his car with him. It was a little small...

Benj with Rebecca Luciana Walker, 10 days old...Jacob and Rebecca's parents are our best friends in Ventura, our "Compas..." and now their kids are the "Compalitos"...

Man, they can scream and cry. They can also be adoringly cute. Still, we're thinking we've pushed parenthood back about 15 years after this vacation...

On the Shores of Hume Lake...

2006-06-08T19:14:00.000-07:00

If you've been reading Benji's post you know that we took a blissful vacation to the Grand Canyon and California over the past 3 weeks. Friday, May 26th was a special day for us. It was our fifth wedding anniversary.

We spent the day at Hume Lake Christian Camps, up in the Sequoias in California. We've both been going to this camp since middle school...through high school...then as counselors. Its a place with history for us.

We took a walk around the lake, then had a picnic by the waters' edge and sat and talked and read our Bibles. It was good to be in such a special place and reflect on what 5 years of marriage have brought.

Sitting there on the shores of Hume Lake, I remembered how, eight years ago, I cried at the very place we were sitting. My girlfriend had just asked me what was "going on" with Benji and me. I started crying. "Nothing." I said. "Yeah right" she said. "I am not the only one who sees what's going on between you two." I remember telling her through my tears that I didn't want to love Benji...anymore...ever....that I'd prayed that God would let me just be rid of my feelings for him, but it never seemed to work. I already had a boyfriend back at college, I certainly didn't need Benji! Puh-lease. No thanks. I cried. " I just don't want to like him...but I do!"

Fast forward a week: a long letter from Benji, a break up with my boyfriend, and a long talk in an old Honda. We've been together ever since.

When I tell people that we've known each other since middle school, I usually get the "Oh, that's so cute" gushing. I suppose it could be cute, but for us it isn't really. Because there are times when we were in each others' lives, with funny memories with our group of friends and laughing about the things we shared, not as an "us" but just as friends.

But then there are the sideline memories...the ones where we looked on at the other from a distance, because we weren't there, weren't welcome in the inner circle of the others' life. Watched each other make stupid decisions. Trying to tell ourselves that it didn't matter, because its not like we belonged to each other.

This whole "sidelines" business was probalby the hardest thing we've had to hurdle as of yet. When we started dating we agreed that "the past is the past" and we'd move forward and really, what was the benefit of re-hashing the past? Well, we found out the benefit. The benefit is that confessions that needed to be made were held onto until a few months before we got married, and we spent the first two years of our marriage working through and forgiving through and crying through things we should have dealt with several years earlier. It was a tough time. Lots of prayer and good, honest friends who shared our hurts helped.

And God, as He is, was faithful to us. We learned lessons of love and grace and the beauty of redemption that you can't learn except to experience them in all their pain and gore.

So I sat there and rejoiced in all that God has done in us. Grateful for my marriage. Grateful that I got lucky and tricked Benj into marrying me. God redeemed me. And He redeemed my marriage.

The best part of the day? My anniversary gift. An 18 page allegory that Benj wrote about a boy who struggles with and overcomes...loneliness, self-doubt, self-pity, lust, laziness, pride and selfishness - to get, of course, the girl. He read it to me as we sat by the lake. It was 1/2 of a story that seemed very familiar...

I've never felt so loved.

Tough love...tough to love

2006-06-08T19:01:00.000-07:00

I love Dallas Theological Seminary.

I want you to read that again and please remove any hint of sarcasm or other atittude you generally associate with me and things I say....sigh....

I say that because as much as I like to poke fun at the institution educating my husband, I also have much love and respect for it. I love the things he is learning. I love the friends he has. I love that the few times I've been on campus professors call him by name, and then ask who I am and what I do. As seminaries go, this one is at the top of my list.

But it is not perfect. There are attitudes there that drive me insane. I call it into question because I love it. God calls me into question because He loves me. Not that those two things are much of a comparison, but I think I'm allowed some room to be honest and still love.

So I write this because it is important to me that you know that. And also because one of my friends told me I sounded like a total liberal bi*** with my last post. I'm trying to dispel that rumor.

So, thanks to those of you who emailed me your submissions because you didn't want them associated with your name. There were multiple of you. And they were quite funny, much better than mine.

Here's to You, DTS!

2006-05-07T18:52:00.000-07:00

The life of a Seminary wife is tough. I’m combating the resentment by starting a new business: Bumper Stickers for Seminary Wives. Check out my latest creations!

My Dirtbag Husband Ran Off With Kate Turabian

Laugh at Greek Jokes. (Isn’t That What Submission is All About?)

I love Exegetical Papers and You Should too.

My Wife’s a Democrat and She Likes My Tattoo.

Dispensationalism Saved Our Marriage!

We Didn’t Sign a Code: Smokin’ and Drinkin’ is for the Helpers!

I’m currently accepting other submissions – send them over! Also, please feel free to vote for your favorite!

Who Am I?

2006-05-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

Why is it that our own words come back to haunt us? Remember a few posts back when I talked about being OK with life not ending up nicely packaged and tied up with a perfect bow?

Situation #1: Benj came home this week and asked if he could give his contact info for a job query that could require relocation…to Colorado. Of course, all I thought of was “Uh…degrees? Jobs? Remember the nice bow tying up our life in Texas next May 15th when we graduate the same day?” But I didn’t say any of those things, and said “Let me get back to you after I run this over.”

So I went for a run and the words from my blog came to me and I thought “If you really say that you are holding this life loosely, that God can take you wherever and whenever, then you should be willing to give up…whatever…if it’s the right thing.” So I came home and said “I’m up for whatever.”

Situation #2: Finances. Making it on one salary and 2 grad tuitions is not easy. God has been so faithful to us. But we’re at a point where we had to start talking real sacrifice last night, including a little account known as “Our House.” At different points in the conversation each of us said “We are not giving up this house down payment for tuition.” But it finally came down to “Why are we holding on to this so tightly? What if God never wants us to have a house? What if he calls us overseas and we will never own a house?”

I’ll be honest, it hurts. I don’t like giving up my comforts and my cushions. But it’s a good hurt. I know that God honors obedience. Its just that I like the obeying so much better when its easier. The song “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns has been going through my head the past two days. I think it’s a good picture of where I’m at right now.

Here’s the chorus:
I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am…
I am Yours…I am Yours

Sleepless Nights

2006-04-26T19:45:00.000-07:00

2 Nights Ago, approximately 2:00 am…

Me: Laying in bed, wide awake in my cold-medicine anti-coma
Benj: Sleeping peacefully beside me.

When Suddenly!

Benj: Sits straight up, stares at the clock. Laughs hysterically for a lengthy period of time.
Me: Sigh. Seeeriously! Lay back down!
Benj: Stops laughing. Lays back down.
Me: Snuggle up next to him and giggling, whisper, “What were you laughing at?”
Benj: I AM NOT LAUGHING!
Me: You were. You were sleepwalking.
Benj: NO I WASN’T!

At this point, I am finding that the angrier he gets makes the situation even funnier.

Me, laughing: Ok, dude. Whatever.
Benj: You are making me ANGRY! You are BOTHERING me!
Greta: Right, right, sorry, sorry. Lets just go to sleep.
Benj: FINE! Angry snorts and sighs.

The Next Morning…

Greta: So…do you want to explain why you were getting so mad at me last night?
Benj: I have no idea what you are talking about.

As this season of tests, projects, papers and general end-of-semester craziness commences, the incidences of sleepwalking in my house also rises….to the tune of about every other night. I need some sleep. Anyone have any home remedies?

Hooked

2006-04-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

I’ve been in a vicious cycle lately of illness, work, homework, due dates, activities, etc. I’m trying to purposefully enjoy them (well, except for the illness part) but sometimes its hard when all I want to do is just sit at home and BE. Or write for my blog. Regardless, its time for an update. There have been many things I’ve wanted to write about, but the most pressing is of course, the ½ marathon I ran 2 Sundays ago. Other topics I’d like to update my blog on: my latest read, “Founding Sisters and the Nineteenth Amendment” by Eleanor Clift, my thoughts on my upcoming 5 year wedding anniversary, and why I love birthdays. But those will have to wait.

Go to this link first, then come back. Here I am, about to cross the finish line. I had a phenomenal pit crew: my husband, Benji, and my good friend Shalaun. They met me every 4 miles or so to cheer me on and snap pictures. Hopefully I’ll get those up in a few days.

Running 13.1 miles is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Around mile 6-7 I wanted to quit. I was cursing myself, wondering why in the world did I think was a good idea? But then something happened around mile 8…cloud cover in Dallas cooled things off a bit, I fell into a nice groove, and I actually smiled.

I am hooked on races, and let me tell you why. First, all the energy around the place is intense! All these people challenging themselves. A shirt that says “This is nothing compared to chemo.” Things like that make you feel like you’re in the middle of a lot of strength. Then there’s the run itself and its hard and challenging, and you feel all the people around you being challenged and you think “that’s discipline” and you sort of forget that you are a part of it, because everyone else is so entertaining.

But here is the kicker for me: I finally got to the finish line, where lots of cheering people stood and heard the deep-voiced announcer say, “And here comes Greta B! with a strong finish” and you run past the line, some kid cuts the timer off your shoe, and it just feels really great to not be running, but also great because you FINISHED.

So I am looking around for Shalaun and Benj and don’t see them. I grab a banana, down two water bottles, walk around a little looking for them, still enjoying myself. Finally I see Benj sprinting towards me. They’d gotten tied up parking the car because of a soccer festival and had missed the finish. He was heartbroken. I laughed. “No big deal!” I said. And we went on to have a great lunch and the rest of Sunday.

But, later, the “no big deal” hit me. I was thinking that at other times/situations in my life, I would have been really disappointed that no one was cheering for me at the finish line, that my friends missed it, that I was alone. But it really didn’t matter. I wasn’t running to be thinner, I wasn’t obsessing about my body, I wasn’t running to look cute, I wasn’t running for anyone else. I wanted to challenge myself and my body and see what I was made of. I was running for me. And it felt incredible. Hooked.

I'm Back!

2006-03-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

Geez, Greta. A whole month of no posts? I’ve got a barrelful of excuses but I’ll spare you the details. Here’s an update:

Lead an Urban Experience spring break mission trip to St. Louis, MO. We had an incredible time. I’ve got so much to say about that experience, and in many ways am still processing much of it. I was challenged on many issues from poverty to missional living.

Perhaps the greatest affect on me, however, was that I fell in love with college students again. Living with/supervising/disciplining 500 of them on a daily basis gets old….and tough…and made me dry….kind of like beef jerky. So to spend a week just “being” with them and laughing and living with them has allowed my heart to fill up again. It was just the spring “break” I needed.

The ½ Marathon is just 6 days away! This week will be a low-key week: lots of carbs and short runs. Yeah! I’m still recuperating from yesterday’s 12.8 mile run. I’ve been introduced to parts of my legs/butt that I hadn’t met yet.

I had the opportunity to hear from one of Benji’s professors last night at our small group meeting. I love that he has professors like this at school….real, cynical, encouraging, and frustrated with the things about Seminary/life/Christians that we should be frustrated with.

I’m 3 weeks behind in one of my classes. How did this happen? Oh wait, I know. I hate this class and avoid working on it at every opportunity!

God is good. Really, really, deeply, wholly, completely GOOD. Seeing Him at work in the city, at work in my friends and family. Not that it isn’t happening all the time….its just that I’m not all that good about looking for it.

Seth Michael Fletcher

2006-02-28T13:11:00.000-08:00

What kind of Auntie would I be if I didn't introduce Seth Michael Fletcher to the blog world? He was born on February 5th to Benji's Sister Shannon and her husband, Mike. We don't get to see him until May when go to Cali for a few weeks, so until then we just love and pray for this little guy we've yet to meet.

Haulin' A** at the Boston Marathon

2006-02-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

I’ve been running a lot lately (read: 5 days a week for the past 7 weeks), training for a ½ marathon the first weekend in April. Sunday was my longest run yet - 9 miles! It was great. It has been good for me, deeply good – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I get a lot of business done in my head – mentally writing papers, blogs, ideas; pray for friends, plan my schedule and my next meal, and catch up with headlines with Katie and Matt. Couric and Lauer, that is, on the mornings I’m on the treadmill.

I’ve been reading some on the history of women and running (I know, I am such a nerd). Did you know that female runners were not even allowed to run in races such as marathons and 5Ks until 1970? I’m not talking it just wasn’t smiled upon, I am saying “IT WAS NOT ALLOWED.” 1970! I can’t get over it. In fact, Katherine Switzer, the first female who officially registered for the Boston Marathon in 1967 under the name K. Switzer was actually chased down by the race officials and booted from the race! That's her in the picture above.

So I’m just going to use that as one more piece of motivation for my runs. I’ll think about my grandmothers who might have been haulin’ ass on the streets of the Boston marathon had it not been for a silly rule and some serious misconceptions…I dedicate this Saturday’s run to them.

There's a lot more that running has taught me: confidence, perseverance, discipline. I'll save those lessons for a post to come.

Battle of the Sexes

2006-02-15T10:19:00.000-08:00

At this lovely college where I work I took part in a time-honored tradition – the day before V-day Battle of the Sexes Game.

Here’s how it works: Boys on one side, girls on the other. Questions are posed to the male gender regarding makeup, sewing, cooking, etc. Questions are posed to the females regarding cars, sports and fishing.

Girls win game #1, easy. Boys are angry. Insert pouty, mean, gorilla faces here. Eyes bulge, mouths are running. They are angry.

Boys win game #2. Insert clip of gorillas beating their chests, roaring to the ceiling. Victorious. Ahh, feel the beat of the testosterone drumline.

Girls win game #3. As we are playing best 2 out of 3, girls win hands down. Lots of little “Yeah! Good job! We won! Hurrah!” and toe touches. (Ok not really, we are sophisticated women and just gave handshakes.)

And then it happened. The point in the game where the “smack talking” and the sore-losing and the running of the mouth spoils my fun.

Boy yells out “Oh yeah? Well…well…..in 3 years we’ll be graduated and we’ll be doing the same job and too bad for you I’ll be making more money than you just because I’m a MAN! So HA.”

I know I shouldn’t have gotten so irritated. I really shouldn’t have. But the whole “Uh! He’s right and that’s so wrong and its so excruciatingly irksome to me and I can’t hand le it and Uh!” got to me. Sigh. He is a young, young college male and he has so, so much to learn. Still.

I can’t remember the exact wording I used in my response, but I do know that it was kind, smooth, and dry – like you’d expect anything less from me, right? It was something along the lines of “Right. Well, if you hadn’t have given us the right to vote in the first place, think of all the gender, race, name anyotheroppressedgroupyouknowofhere takeovers you could be plotting!”

I felt a little like I was on that scene in You’ve Got Mail where Meg Ryan talks about having the exact right thing to say and saying it….but then feeling terrible. Because a lot of people laughed and I shoved this resident back into his place and made my point but sent a wounding arrow in the process.

So here’s what I want to know. How do YOU respond to inane comments like that? Comments perhaps meant in jest, but that are a matter of principle for you. I feel like I’ve encountered it a lot recently. And please understand I am not trying to be the policewoman of the politically correct speech world – trust me, I say enough idiotic things myself. But I’m talking about ridiculous racial slurs, gender-effacing comments – things like that. Anyone found that formula to give grace and justice at the same time?

Crazy and a Fool

2006-02-01T11:51:00.000-08:00

I can’t let my husband, Benji, steal all the substitute-glory goodness. Although his post is funny, I’ll give him that. Still, imagine my predicament: keeping a straight face when you get the verbal waterfall of sub stories after I’ve asked “How was your day, dear?” I try to be sympathetic. I do try.

A couple of months ago Benji called me one morning from a sub job and needed me to bring him something from home that he’d forgotten. Legitimiately. This wasn’t a “I forgot my lunch, waaah” kind of thing. Still.

I am furious. A. ) Because I was reading my Bible and was angry I was getting interrupted. B.) Because I am a huge planner and now I will take 30 minutes out of my day to bring him this thing that he forgot. C.) Just plain in a bad mood.

I’ll spare you the details of the conversation, but lets just say it included a lot of “you always,” “You never,” and a variety of other comments that our reader really doesn’t need to hear.

I was pissed.

So I grab this thing he needs, get in the car, drive the 12 minutes to the school, and wait. And wait. Still waiting. I call him on his cell phone.

“Where are you?!”
“I can’t leave the class.”
“If you even THINK that I am walking in there...”
“Hang on, I'll send a student.”

Waiting…

Adorable little 9 year old come walking up to the car. She knocks on my window.

I roll down the window.

“Are you Mr. B’s wife?”
Sigh. Much too long of a pause. “Yes.”
She hands me a piece of paper.
“He says to tell you he’s crazy and a fool.”
She doesn’t crack a smile. Neither do I. Then I laugh because I can’t help it. Of course he sends this adorable kid because he knows I won’t cuss her out.
“Tell him he’s right.”

I hand her the stuff and drive away. Then I read the nice note which goes on and on about him being crazy and a fool and I am a little less angry by the time I get back home.

So that is my story about how my husband uses small children to do his dirty work.

A Moment in the Life...

2006-01-25T12:06:00.000-08:00

I’ve had a good dose of challenging, encouraging and downright hilarious interactions with a variety people the past few weeks. I’d like to share some with you:

- “Christians are not called to a long life but to a life lived WELL.” Our pastor Tommy Nelson has been preaching on Peter from Acts 4 and I have loved every minute of it, especially this closing remark from church Sunday night.

- It’s OK to be in your 40s and still not know what you want to be when you grow up…so you may as well teach classes, work on your PhD, write books, love a husband and raise a daughter while you’re figuring it out. (Thanks Sandra and family for a fun night.)

- Singing virtually ANY song in the voice of Kip from Napoleon Dynamite will guarantee laughs and stop all arguments in their place. Thanks to my darling husband who demonstrates this beautifully. His favorite? “The First Cut is the Deepest” by Sheryl Crow.

- Some incredible songs by our friend Brian Coughlin…reflections made from self-reflections. While I have talked with him about some of his experiences before, suddenly hearing them through the filter of music allowed me a whole new understanding, which I am grateful for. They were beautiful. Thanks to Brian and Kylie for sharing life with us.

- Random Things are FUNNY. And when the people who show you them are laughing hysterically they are even FUNNIER. Thanks Brady and Amber for...randomness.

- Its OK to run 6 miles in 63 minutes. This one I give credit to myself for. I’m training for a ½ marathon in April and am intent on 10 minute miles right now as I train. On Saturday I gave myself permission to enjoy the run more and allow myself to go over 60 minutes. I did. By 3 minutes. The run felt great. And the best part? I was OK that it wasn’t even in the end.

And to be honest, that is what I feel God is teaching me lately. That life does not need to be even, that vacations do not need to happen at 5 year anniversaries (6 is OK too), that books don’t have to be read in lists of 50, miles run in increments of 10 minutes, children begun at age 28 and every 2 years after, MBAs in 2 years, knowing where seminary payments are coming from - all these "must haves, must dos, and must knows." I am realizing that God’s plan most definitely is not my “everything tied up perfectly in a clean and tidy package” plan. I am learning that a life given over to God, however messy and un-even it may be, is exactly what I need.

THE American Defender

2006-01-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

Last week at work I had to attend a safety session and I chose "Personal Safety." As part of the session I received an American Defender. That's right,THE American Defender Personal Safety Whistle.

As if all the jokes that come out of the name weren't enough (think - so that's how Bush pushes other countries around - duh!), included in the THE American Defender Personal Safety Whistle package were instructions: "How to use YOUR American Defender Personal Safety Whistle." Check some of these out, I have the instructions verbatim:

If you're accosted on the street:
1. Blow the whistle (because why dial 911 one from your cell if you've got a whistle - much more fun!)
2. Call the police as soon as possible.

If you fear trouble on the street:
1. Run toward the middle of the street (because getting run over is far better than getting mugged)
2. Blow your whistle.
3. Call the police.

If you see trouble from your home: (This one is the best)
1. Call the police. State address and nature of trouble.
2. Open a window and blow the whistle. (I'm not kidding, it really says this)
3. As other whistles blow, go outside, and - keeping a safe distance - continue blowing.

This last one kills me. Can you just picture people throwing open window after window as the alarm is sounded, blowing their hearts out? As if that weren't enough, then they follow the perpetrator all the while continuing to blow their whistles!

I'm all about safety. Really. And just to prove it - if you get into trouble, just call me....because I am YOUR American Defender. I am tough. I am vicious. AND I HAVE A WHISTLE!!!!

Wear Pink

2006-01-16T18:10:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago my spine surgeon was analyzing some spine x-rays I had and said “So, you have a mass in your breast?”

Hmmn. “Come again?”

I didn’t think much about it then or the weeks following the comment. My back was hurting badly which is why I was at the doctor in the first place and that took precedence in my medical issues mental time allotment.

Then there’s Christmas break and all the related fun and madness and I honestly forgot about it. Until Friday. Friday I freaked.

When I got back from California another doctor confirmed that yes, there was something there and yes, I should have it tested.

I take the afternoon off of work on Friday and go to my testing site. “Cancer Center” in swirly pink marks the door. I go inside. I am assaulted with pink and magazines. I get the nicest treatment from a medical receptionist I’ve ever had and am led into a cushion-y (pink) room where I sit and wait for a nurse (yes, my very own nurse). “My” nurse Amanda (dressed in pink) sits down in a chair next to me, looks me in my eyes, and talks to me about the procedure, the book I’m reading, and how I’m feeling. She is incredibly kind.

I put my gown on and put my clothes in a pink bag to take with me.

I wait for them to get the room ready. I told Amanda that I was fine, but really, I wasn’t quite. I allow my mind to wander to all of the what ifs….what if this is cancer? Would I finish school? Who would take care of Benj and make sure he didn’t live in a cardboard box? What if I never had kids? What about my list of 50 things to do before I die? Will I have a funeral in Texas and California? This is not happening….I am only 26.

Eventually we start the test and my blood pressure is going through the roof. It takes a while. I lay there, watching the screen, waiting for the technician to say “yep, there it is.” Everything on the screen looks like tumors. “All done.” I watch the technician, questioning her. She smiles. “I don’t see a thing. Nothing. You’re clear.” Phew….picture my nerves releasing like air from a balloon…I am floating, elated.

I meet with a doctor and discuss the test and am given my “report card” to put on the refrigerator that states I am “cancer free.” I walk to the car.

How did I celebrate my near-death miss? I sat in the car and prayed, and thanked God for good insurance and medicine and good friends and even the state of Texas. And I told Him that I would be this thankful even if the news had not been good, that even if I was dying next week, that I would praise Him in just this way.

I call Benj and tell him he’s stuck with me for a few more years. He laughs. I think its just from the relief of knowing that he won’t have to eat Carl’s Jr for the rest of his life.

I go back home and a bunch of my students are playing touch football in the park next to the parking lot. “Greeettaa!!! Coomme plllaaayyyeeee! So I do. Girls against boys. We are trounced. It is fabulous.

Then I walk into our apartment, change clothes, and walk to the gym. I run 5 miles. I walk home. For 5 hours on Friday I experienced the feeling that comes with the clichéd “new lease on life.” Of course, I was called back to reality as soon as I got home, but for just a few hours I was given the opportunity to explore my mortality, my faith, and my time. It was scary, but scary-good.

For the women in my life: Do self-exams. Get an annual exam. Go to the doctor immediately if you find something…or if you even think you find something. And also… wear some pink.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

Well, I have a really good reason for why I haven't posted in a while. I've been in California for 15 days and they don't have the internet there anymore. Seriously. It has something to do with falling off into the ocean and then there was all the rain....OK just kidding, but that's in honor of all of you non-Californians who say those kinds of crazy things about California.

I didn't post because I was having a blast with friends and family, eating In and Out and sleeping in. Man, I love vacations. I love them even more now that I'm back in school...no work AND no homework? This is incredible!

Some highlights from my 2 weeks in CA:

Burger and Movie tradition with my family (We saw Narnia - it was great!)
Playing Telephone Pictionary with my in-laws. We were trying to get my sister-in-law to go into labor. It didn't work.
Getting a Palm Pilot. Now my crazy list-making self can go CRAZY, and I'm on my way there...the 5 hour plane trip was great for list making.
Finding my Curious George Calendar after a painstakingly long search. I cannot start a year without one!
Making Veranikas with my mom and sister...FYI, Veranikas are a German Mennonite ravioli-type dish. Mom grew up German Mennonite and the food is kick ass. Although I don't think my Mennonite relatives would appreciate me saying ass.

Other exciting news for 06? One of my resolutions is to blog once a week. Check out my Books blog below, I'm serious about needing reccomendations. Stay tuned....Greta's 2006 Resolutions coming soon.

Who you are Depends On...

2006-01-04T20:36:00.000-08:00

I came across this quote recently, tucked away in one of my books.

"Who you are in 5 years depends on the people you meet, the choices you make, the books you read."

Speaking of the books you read...The past 2 years I have had a goal to read 50 books a year. And, while there was some doubt that the goal would be accomplished this year, as you will see below I made it to 51. As much as I am enjoying working on my MBA, I do resent the time it takes away from my "leisure reading."

Below is my list, in order, of the books I read in 2005. I would love to give commentary on all of these, so any questions, send them my way. For those of you with shorter attention spans, here's my top 9 for '05 in no particular order:

1. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Saw him speak this year.
2. Any non-fiction by Anne Lamott, but the fiction is OK too.
3. Girl Meets God and Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner. LOVE HER.
4. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris - freakin' funny stuff.
5. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho - deep. Read it with a book group.
6. The Girl in the Picture by Denise Chong - about a napalm burn victim from the Vietnam war.
7. The Curious Incident of the dog in the night time by Mark Haddon - intelligent.
8. The Challenge of the Disciplined Life by Richard Foster.
9. Walking on Water by Madeline L’Engle

A few warnings. I like to mix up serious and silly, so if you're shocked that I read something - oops. Also, I am currently taking suggestions for the 2006 list...send me your best, your boldest, your brightest...you get the idea. But I really would love to hear what YOU read in 2005 that you thought was fabulous.

Greta's Reads for 2005

1. 1/05 – The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown
2. 1/05 – A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith
3. 1/05 – Evenings at Five by Gail Godwin
4. 1/05 – Skipping Christmas by John Grisham
5. 1/05 – My Soul Looks Back in Wonder by Juan Williams
6. 1/05 – The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
7. 1/05 – Sams Letters to Jennifer by James Patterson
8. 1/05 – Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now by Maya Angelou
9. 2/05 – Can you Keep A Secret? By Sophie Kinsella
10. 2/05 – Blackbird House by Alice Hoffman
11. 2/05 – Three Weeks With My Brother by Nicholas Sparks
12. 2/05 – Shopaholic and Sister by Sophie Kinsella
13. 2/05 – Ordering Your Private World by Gordon MacDonald
14. 2/05 – A Perfect Day by Richard Paul Evans
15.3/05 – The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
16. 3/05 – The Tarnished Eye by Judith Guest
17. 3/05 – Life of Pi by Yann Markel
18. 3/05 – This Side of Married by Rachel Pastan
19. 5/05 – Make the Connection by Bob Greene and Oprah
20. 5/05 – A Series of Unfortunate Events: Book the 2nd by Lemony Snicket
21. 5/05 – Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller
22. 5/05 – The Full Cupboard of Life by Alexander McCall Smith
23. 5/05 – A Virtuous Woman by Kate Gibbons
24. 5/05 – A Short Guide to a Happy Life by Anna Quindlen
25. 6/05 – Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller
26. 6/05 – The Curious Incident of the dog in the night time by Mark Haddon
27. 6/05 – The Challenge of the Disciplined Life by Richard Foster
28. 6/05 – Storm by Reg Grant
29. 6/05 – Crooked Little Heart by Anne LaMott
30. 6/05 – Girl Meets God by Lauren Winner
31. 7/05 – She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb
32. 7/05 – Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott
33. 7/05 – Cause Celeb by Helen Fielding
34. 7/05 – Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott
35. 7/05 – Blue Shoe by Anne Lamott
36. 8/05 – Even the Stars Look Lonesome Tonight by Maya Angelous
37. 8/05 – The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck
38. 8/05 – The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
39. 8/05 – Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
40. 9/05- The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason
41. 9/05 – The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom
42. 9/05 – The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Anna Brasheres
43. 10/05 – Prayer and the Art of Volkswagon Maintenance by Donald Miller
44. 10/05 – A Plain Life by Scott Savage
45. 11/05 – The Girl in the Picture by Denise Chong
46. 11/05 – Girls Night In by various British Chick Lit Authors
47. 11/05 – The Sunflower by Richard Paul Evans
48. 11/05 – Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren Winner
49. 12/05 – The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd
50. 12/05 – French Women Don’t Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano
51. 12/05 – Walking on Water by Madeline L’Engle

Kindred Spirit Tears

2005-12-13T14:28:00.000-08:00

Sunday evening I was at church as usual, going through the motions. Bow head. Stand up. Sing songs. Thoughts wandering.

I was tired. I had spent the whole weekend studying for a final I have this week and for the GMAT which I took (and passed!) yesterday. I don't want to say that I was "spiritually dry" (to throw some Christianese at you) but I was definitely unfocused. A little weary. Distracted.

We are singing a song I've never heard before and someone grabs my hand from behind and its my friend Katie. Katie (pictured below, with one of our Romanian friends) is my kindred-spirit friend. We met on a missions trip to Romania this summer, and think similar thoughts on a variety of subjects: Thomas Kincade, politics, art, having lists of 50 things to do before you die, Richard Foster, and, my most recent favorite: "Madeline L'Engle thinks that Jesus time traveled?!?!" These are things we discuss and laugh hysterically about. I love sharing my heart with her and hearing hers. She is great.

So anyway, I am standing, singing (no-heartedly) and up walks Katie and she starts singing behind me. I'm listening to her worship the God that I know she Loves, and I just start crying. Suddenly I am focused again. I realize I have a purpose in being in that large room full of people I don't know. Hearing Katie sing to the God that we have prayed together to, discussed at length and at random, been confused and mused over, loved in similar and different ways - it changed my heart, put me back in my place.

I was reminded (yet again) how much I really need people. Its been a common theme for me the past few weeks. I picture God throwing His arms up (huge arms), hands (huge hands) cupped around his mouth (huge mouth) shouting (not angrily, a little frustrated though) down to me "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't do this whole life thing on your own!" And I really can't. I know it. Its just that I need reminders sometimes.

Thank God for people. Thank you God for Katie.

Rated R U Sure You Should Be Watching This?

2005-11-15T17:43:00.000-08:00

About two years ago Benji and I decided to remove R-rated movies from our Blockbuster Queue. This decision came from a question we raised to each other over discussing a current topic Benj was preaching on in youth group: Is it OK to be entertained by things that are “sinful?” The other part of that was: If this is not acceptable to me in my personal life (or at the very least I am trying very hard to not make it acceptable) how is this helping and why is it OK to be entertained by it?

So, we threw in the towel and said “bye!” to a variety of spicy and good (or so we’re told) movies. I did make one exception – I saw The Passion (I thought Jesus would be OK with it). The decision actually didn’t hurt as much as we thought it would…although it was painful to watch previews for the Matrix movies for Benj. Otherwise, not bad.

Here are some of the things that I’ve experienced since making that decision:

I feel like I have become more sensitive to sin…as in – yikes! Killing someone is REALLY BAD. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s changed my life.

The judgment I have felt from Christians (and others) when I tell them we don’t watch R-rated movies…as in “Oh…you are one of THOSE crazy conservative types.” Which (read my last post) I am not at all. And, strangely, I kind of like the dichotomy the decision produced about me – I am a crazy liberal democrat, but I don’t watch rated R movies because I’m tired of the trash. Ah! The irony!

I was reading someone else’s blog recently and someone made the comment that “people who don’t watch (Rated R movies and such) are in general just as judgmental about those kind of people (people who drop F Bombs, etc.) in real life.” Ouch. Is that true?

Currently finding myself wondering if it’s time to pull the ban…I am waffling. I am sure many of you will tell me that there are SO many great movies out there, just ignore the “bad stuff.” It’s not an issue of being “offended” by the bad stuff – it’s an issue of, can I justify watching this and being desensitized (possibly) to sin, but it’s worth it because of the potential benefits/challenges/entertainment involved in the movie?

What do you think web world? What’s your advice?

Loving Liberally

2005-10-25T20:08:00.000-07:00

It has taken me 26 years to figure out what political party I don't want to be affiliated with. I know that doesn't sound right, but its true. I haven't given my vote away to any party - yet - but I know who won't get it. I have always been a registered Independent (mostly just because I love the word - INDEPENDENT!) but the past year I have found myself moving closer and closer to the left. Dare I say it? Am I becoming (horrors!) a Liberal? Before you write me off, hear me out.

Here's a little bit of my political history:
My Mom is a Republican
My Dad is a Democrat
I have no idea what my sister is
My husband is a Republican. A conservative Republican.
I have never taken an interest in politics until recently.

I have found myself growing more and more disappointed with the Republican party. This is ironic since this move to the left has occurred while I have lived in Texas, the Republican capital of the world. I think Texas is a large part of why I have found myself unnerved and disgusted with much of right-wing politics. Racism, homophobia, big and rich things run rampant here. I also have a more diverse friend base. Diverse people tend to vote Democrat and care more about poor people and what we call "opportuny." I started reading Donald Miller and Anne LaMott.

I have questions. How do I reconcile my thoughts on abortion with my thoughts on capital punishment? How do I find a balance between what so many Christians think is right and the horrible treatment of homosexuals? When do poverty and so many other issues in the Bible become important to me, as a voter? How about war? Should it anger me that churches have voting drives and only have Republican registration tables? How can one injustice possibley be "more OK" than other?

So there is my struggle. I am trying. I am growing. I know that what is right for me may not be "right" for the majority of Christians. I am working on being OK with that and on how to control my tongue. I know the Religious Right drives me crazy with the blind eye they turn to so many causes in the Bible. I do not want to be a single issue voter. But how do you vote when there is no party that aligns with all that you believe to be true, Biblical and just?

Benji, my husband, tends to get the brunt of my rantings/questions/challenges/questions. He is patient. He is also conservative. We talk. We argue. We compete. At the end, we are spent, but I have made my point and he, his. Here is how our talks end:

Benji kisses me on the nose and says "I love you, my little liberal."
I kiss him back and say "I love you, my crazy conservative."
And then I smile. Wickedly. And say, "Aren't you glad I love you liberally, and not conservatively?"
And he just shakes his had, gives me the"You exhaust me but you are the funniest woman I know" look and says "Yes. I am glad."

Welcome

2005-10-25T13:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I did it. My own blog. I can't help it. There are just some things that must be said. And I am just the girl to say them.